I've been meaning to get back into reading since I stopped reading pretty much the first day of college. Or maybe the day I got a smartphone. Though I guess you need to clarify in this day and age... I READ all the time. But they are all just online articles: some click-bait, some news sources, some a combo of the two (looking at you, Cracked and Buzzfeed). But I need to take more breaks from the screen (sometimes I feel like my eyes are burning!). I need something printed, in my hand, that I can read on car trips without worrying about the battery dying, or to read at night when my eyes declare no more screens.
So I got a library card! Ooooo. I went to the local library, marveled at the people doing research on the library computers, gasped at people doing research WITH BOOKS, and picked up Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.
But that seems like it could be a bit heavy for my first foray back into reading, so I also grabbed Bossypants by Tina Fey.
Overall, Bossypants was fine. I'm personally not able to connect to Tina Fey as much as I am to, say, Mindy Kaling in "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" But Mindy is more my generation (sorry, Tina, if that's offensive!) and her voice is more similar to my voice. Tina Fey has a drive that I admire, if unable to emulate. I learned a lot about the life and career of a woman that I just take for granted at this point. But she broke more barriers than I realized!
(Also, Tina Fey grew up about 7 miles from where I grew up in eastern PA, so there were some references that I appreciated, which made me feel cool!!)
Throughout her narrative, there were definitely a few sections that stood out, with some hidden nuggets of wisdom that I feel could be applied to women in the workforce. I'd like to highlight them here:
The first was preceded by a short SNL story, when Lorne Michaels was considering adding another woman to the cast and one of the actresses worried that this girl was too similar to her, and there wouldn't be enough to go around. But as Tina pointed out, if they were literally making up the show, how could there not be enough roles to go around? As Fey writes:
"This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. 'You're up for a promotion. If they go with a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara.' Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone." (88)
This is a good thing to remember. Logically, of COURSE you are in competition with everyone for every promotion. But there does seem to be this underlying understanding that if, for instance, the boss needs three people to lead this team, gender is going to come into play. If they pick three women, people might scrutinize their work a little more and have less faith in the team. If they pick three men, well, people will cry "sexism!" (or, at least, the boss will fear that they will). So instead of everyone being evaluated equally, there's this feeling that maybe only one woman will be on the team to "round it out", so all the women are only competing with each other, rather than with everyone. And because of that, they will be less likely to help other women succeed because they view someone else's success as a threat.
That's based on no facts or anything, so don't hold me to it. Just a feeling that I can see some people having! Personally I want all my coworkers to succeed. I was on an all-female team at one point and I don't think anyone thought of us differently. Although it was pointed out that it was an all-female team, which I don't believe happens on any of the all-male teams!
Another nugget of wisdom was on pages 84 and 85, under the fancy heading "Rules of Improvisation". These rules helped me understand how Tina Fey has been able to accomplish so much. So much of the "Rules of Improvisation", which Tina would have needed to follow when she started out as a member of The Second City, the famous Chicago-based improvisation group, can be applied to interacting with others in the workforce. I would almost go so far as to say that everyone should take an improv class to learn to just not be afraid to speak up! An excerpt reads:
"The first rule of improvisation is AGREE. Always agree and SAY YES... The second rule of improvisation is not only to say yes, but YES, AND... to me YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile. The next rule is MAKE STATEMENTS. This is a positive way of saying "Don't ask questions all the time"... In other words: Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles... MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women. Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions... Make statements, with your actions and your voice... THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, only opportunities... In improv there are no mistakes, only beautiful happy accidents."
See what I mean? That's some golden life advice there!
(If interested, the whole excerpt can be found here).
For some more direct advice (albeit unsolicited) to women in the workplace, Tina recalled an interaction between Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers. I apologize in advance for the language:
"Amy made it clear that she wasn't there to be cute. She wasn't there to play wives and girlfriends in the boy's scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it." (144)
Which lead to the aforementioned advice:
"So my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: 'Is this person in between me and what I want to do?' If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you... If the answer is yes, you have a more difficult road ahead of you. I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece 'Over! Under! Through!'... If your boss is a jerk, try to find someone above or around your boss who is not a jerk.
"Again, don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go 'Over! Under! Through!' and opinions will change organically when you're the boss. Or they won't. Who cares? Do your thing and don't care if they like it." (145)
This was advice that I needed, both personally and professionally. If we are doing something that others perceive as abnormal, whether that be our political opinions, our love lives, or our career paths, as long as what we are doing is legal, who cares what others think? Obviously there will continue to be people who see certain careers as a man's job, but unless these people are physically blocking you from advancing in that career, who cares? It's no use wasting time and energy convincing them that you can do it. Just DO IT, and they'll come to the correct conclusion on their own. Or they won't, and they'll live a sad life.
So thank you Tina Fey, for your small nuggets of wisdom!
If you'd like to read it for yourself, the book can be found here, or in your local bookstore or library! I even returned it on time.
If you have any book suggestions for me with my brand-spanking-new library card, let me know!
Thanks for reading :)
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